24 10 / 2011
It’s about time…
I think I’m ready to look back on this semester and talk about the thing that has been stressing me for a while now. My relationship with NC is strange; I wouldn’t call us boyfriend/girlfriend but we’re definitely more than friends. We’re not at the level where it’s all sweet-talk and lame comments. But that might be because we’ve been sneaking around and no one knows about this. Without the physical things, we still act like siblings, picking on each other and making fun of each other.
I like being intimate with him, except he’s always expecting more and he gets mad at me when I don’t meet his expectations. He knows that he’s really selfish and greedy but he doesn’t do anything to change himself. I don’t even know what to do anymore. Sometimes I feel bad but I know it’s not my fault and I’m not about to give up on my morals just to please him.
After the end of last semester, I wasn’t sure if I could spend a whole month away from him. At the beginning, it wasn’t terrible because he’s been calling me everyday and we just talk about random stuff. But I guess long distance relationships are a pain because we run out of things to say and him calling me EVERY SINGLE DAY doesn’t help, especially since he doesn’t always try to start a conversation. He’s also the sensitive type that gets mad at anything. I just don’t know how to deal with someone like that since I’m not like that. For instance, we were on the phone last night and I jokingly told him to stop calling me so he got mad and hung up on me. Apparently, he expected me to call him back but I didn’t because I thought he didn’t want to talk to me anymore. If I was mad at someone, I would want him to give me time to calm down before bothering me again. But he doesn’t think that way and he called me back later to complain about me not calling him. =.=”
I DON’T UNDERSTAND THIS ANYMORE! I’m not sure if I should try harder at this dead-end relationship or just give up. I’m confused about my own feelings for him. I do feel jealous when he talks about other girls but I don’t feel anything when we kiss. Is it suppose to be that way?
